The Stupidity Of Liquidity

You know, I've been feeling a little waterlogged lately.
Any clues as to why?

Romantiqk





Promo Art For Poetry Reading





Mistaken For God





Mad Indian





Look West

Senile Sexperved Saudibots

Well, it's about time I got off my Yarbleheaded bum and spouted off a good rant. It's only May of the Year of Our Gourd and I've just not had the inclination to spather and spew---until now.

What's got my sand-dander up?
Saudis.

In the wake of the story about the eight-year-old Saudi girl who was forced to marry a 50-year old Saudi man in the town of Onaiza, after which he has graciously agreed to divorce the child, comes this startling headline:

Saudi Arabia Mulls Marriage Ban For Girls Under 18

Yep, they're thinking about it.
Doesn't mean they'll actually do it, but hey, it's obvious it takes more than a transfer and two camel tokens to get from the 12th to the 21st century.

There is just so many things wrong with this. Where to begin.
I know--a rocking good caption always breaks the hourglass!

Muhammiel (4th row, 6th from left) knew this was his moment to
make his mark, to stand out from the crowd, to be somebody.

Many of the so-called muftis, a sort of revered religious charlatan, endorse the longtime practice of "marrying underage girls, arguing that in doing so they avoid spinsterhood or the temptation of engaging in relationships outside the wedlock."

Spinsterhood?
You mean there's a spinster in that bodysack?
And that matters why exactly?
Outside the wedlock.
As if marriage were a prison cell.
It is?
Oh, I didn't know.

Nevertheless, it is for financial gain that fathers reserve the right to marry off their pre-pubescent daughters to genetically engineered pigmen who find it acceptably moral and within the guiding confines of their strict religious tenets that also direct them toward copious sessions of animal sacrifice and frequent dromedary-buggering when the gentle simoon blows among the dunes and the crescent moon hangs in the eastern sky like a sharp claw.

And we do business with these clowns. We buy nearly a quarter of our dinosaur juice from these tableclothed ringtoss pegs and provide military security for the privilege.

Nice.

Sit, please sit so we can discuss your trade offer of forty-nine
eight-year-old girls for twenty-two ten-year-old altar boys.

There is something that one might assume should exist evolutionarily pre-installed and morally inherent in collective humanoid knowledge that SCREAMS it is WRONG to have sex with children. Any evolved god worth his misguided salt should surely have seen to that, no?

Apparently not in Saudi Arabia and other places in the Middle East and around the world. If America had any balls whatsoever, we would INSIST that they adopt this ban or we will cease being their willing valets.

Like that's gonna happen.

Follow me, you charming Prince, to the lot where we keep our
low-mileage, unbroken-in, eight-year-old models, and if you tell anyone we were holding hands, I'll bomb your palace.

The Kingdom of the House of Saud will, until then, be held as the perverted and sick wanks they are and their application to enjoin the rest of humanity will be stamped REJECTED until they pass basic humanitarian laws that protect their own children.

So thanks to these whackazoid muu-muued cretins for rousing the sleeping Yarble long enough to hurl his mighty dart in their misdirection.

I hope it hurts.
Even a little.

The 2008 Douchenozzle Awards

Yes, it's that time of the year again---for the first time---here at Yarblehead. As 2008 comes to a close, let us remember what a cesspool we bob along about in with some truly world-class assholes.

Let's revisit but a few of these top-rated enema bags from this past year, shall we?

#10

George Walker Bush

A Hall of Shame piece of human shit if there ever was one. Thankfully, this imbecilic stooge will be out of office in a tad over a fortnight and the world will at last be relieved of having to call him anything other than what he is: a murderer. The Pharaohnic Plagues are too good for the likes of this disastrously failed specimen of homo sapiens.

#9

Casey Anthony

This vile woman killed her kid. Not worthy of being referred to as a mother. Momster is far more befitting. I hope her years behind bars are spent thinking about all those discos she'll never get to gyrate her skinny ass in. Condolences to all those who loved that little girl, Caylee.

#8

Josef Fritzl

Another world-class Hall of Shame arschfigger. This Austrian mess of bio-degradated cells held his daughter captive in an underground cellar for over a quarter of a century, repeatedly raping her and siring seven children. Sire is the more accurate term than father because he is the very antithesis of that accolade. Death would be far too kind an outcome for this heinous, inhuman monster.

#7

Senator Theodore "Ted" Fulton Stevens (R)

A pathetic run-of-the-mill Alaskan narcissist possessed of a blatant sense of entitlement whose garden-variety penchant for corruptibility plays sadly to the painfully obvious. After being convicted on seven felony counts of illegally failing to report gifts from constituent interests, he subsequently became the longest-serving U. S. senator ever to lose a re-election bid. If he isn't pardoned outright or his upcoming sentence commuted by Moron #10 on the Douchenozzle list, his time in jail should prove beyond a reasonable doubt as to whether his 2006 assertion that the internet is nothing more than a "series of tubes" when a serious insertion of a different series of tubes find their way into his saggy, puckered turdrouter.

#6

John Maverick McCain & Sarah Paladin Palin

This futzputzing duo of dynaminimism co-share this dual-headed nozzle nod for making all of us wallow through their insufferably horrid presidential campaign filled with more inanities than a casket full of cranked-up coatimundis. New lows in American incredulity have been duly nadired by this pair of mumbling myopians who would have loved nothing more than to plummet their country smackdab into the Christian equivalent of 6th Century Islam with their rabid dogmatic pretensions. Good riddance to this twin twittering of true terror.

#5

Warren Jeffs

This reformed retooled maladroit Mormon excommunicate leader was found guilty of multiple counts of maiderasti, that is, arranging and engaging in frequent fornication with girls young enough to be his prepubescent daughters. That he condoned the marrying of them prior to such lascivious defilement did little to mitigate his penchant for kinderfodder. Septic scum hath more nobility in the eyes of the Gourd than this schtupmeister. We hope his time in prison is spent in lap-puppet paradise at the penile end of a pointedly pernicious and poundworthy planking.

#4

Bernard Madoff

A star-class shyster, shuckster, and Ponzimaniac prickhead who stands accused of bilking fifty billion with a "B" dollars from suckers across the financial spectrum. Mostly bigwigs with money to lose have been caught up in his elaborate scheme to lie, cheat, steal, and thieve from those whose trust he's charmed out of the greedy basket of hefty returns as pertains to some rather suspect investment strategies. How these Wall Street doughwads continue to get away with this merde is truly beyond the understanding of we at Yarblehead. This is gonna get very ugly before he gets his eventual due in a federal penitentiary better suited to his moral character.

#3

Governor Milorad "Rod" R. Blagojevich

All future dictionaries will display this fuckpuzzle's picture right next to the word corruption. The stark hubris and überblatancy of this snakewormer is embarrassing to watch. His Friday press conference was an utter travesty of the first magnitude. Feigning innocence and vowing to fight the charges to his last breath, Rod oozed a fetid disaffected fecality as he smiled shallowly while blowing flies away with the rank and reek of his lies. His singular wife, Patricia, fares none better. Together they will be tried fair and square and found subsequently guilty of all charges and sent their merry ways to a jail cell far from you. The Feds have him on tape eliciting and soliciting money for favors and fringes including the recently vacated Senate seat of Barack Obama. What is it about contaminated politics in the state of Illinois? Must be the cheese in the deep-fried ponyshoes clogging the funnel between the head and heart.

#2

Rick Warren

Currently paunchified pastor of the Saddleback Sanctuary of the Especially Stupid & Sanctimonious in Lake Forest, California. (Which has neither lake nor forest). This Nazarene-nozzler is a stunning work of fart. Equating homosexuality and lesbianism with pedophilia and incest, this fatuous lardass has been tabbed to incite the inaugural invocation for President Elect Obama in what many of us see as both his first and irrecoverably colossal political blunder. And it comes at the worst time: the starting gate. Not good. I hope Obama comes to his greater senses and disinvites this hatemongering proponent and staunch advocate of Proposition 8 and who's farce of worship does not allow gays to join or stand among them. Where's Jesus with a strap-on when you need him?




#1

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

Otherwise known as the Mormons, this reprehensible institution of nincompoops and ancient white-cracker racist sons of bitches are truly the hallmark of shamefulness while maintaining their delusionally divine shamelessness. Yes, the Mormon Church gets Yarblehead's number one spot primarily because of the millions of dollars it threw at revoking the civil rights---civil as in fucking churches have no fucking business illegally condoning or supporting such civic matters while still enjoying and exploiting their merry tax-exemption status---of a whole minority group of people by disallowing their right to form unions of loving marriage that the vanilla missionary prick & pussy people get to enjoy.

Please visit Spay Your Dogma for periodic updates on this and other silly religions as your humble narrator finds time for and deems worthy of pillorying.

This secondary award goes to the host of other Douchenozzleers that could easily have been included: Orenthal I'm Finally Where I Belong Simpson, Karl Blame Me For Your Woes Rove, Sean Enema-Altarboy Hannity, Rush Drug Addict Limbaugh, Dennis Mouthabout Miller, Jesse Niggaguy Jackson, Al Slickback Sharpton, Joe Are We Stripes Or Spots Today Lieberman, Ann Bitchwax Coulter, Rupert Arrrgh Murdoch and his ridiculous Fox Noise Network, Oliver Traitor North, John Republicankissass Elway, Ted I'm No Homo Haggard, Eliot How Much Honey Spitzer, Condoleeza Uncle-Dubya's Quick-Maid Rice, Richard Dickwad Cheney, The Republican National Committee & Party of Repugnance, and loads of other malcoots too numerous to list.

Perhaps next year they might make the top ten turdtwizzlers in the coveted Annual Yarblehead Douchenozzle Awards!

Fling & Amiss

One interesting thing about the incident involving Iraqi journalist Muntadhar Al-Zaidi's flinging of both of his shoes at criminally inane and lamedick Presidunce George W. Bush during (thankfully) one of his final propaganda press junkets is that . . .



. . . it was an ironic demonstration of an object with a sole being hurled towards another object . . .



. . . without one.

Vonnegut In Retrospect

Remembering someone very special to me and millions of others by posting a few images I just shot a while ago from his new book released a few months back called, surprisingly enough,---Armageddon In Retrospect.

And Kurt, if you can read this, please stop by for a visionary visit anytime you wish. Just don't scare the bewheezuz outta me if you do.

Maverick McCain

Since I won't have time to properly rehearse and shoot this on video, I'm posting the song lyrics here. Imagine a really silly tune complete with the sound of a cracking whip between the first two mavericks, horsie gallops, a slight twang, and a hat.

Yes, a hat.
As in hat music--or as some of you call it: New Country.

So hum along with me as we watch Maverick Moron McCain ride off into the sunset and off a cliff because after all---if he can't tell the difference between "MY FRIENDS" & "MY FELLOW PRISONERS" he sure as hell won't be able to tell where the cliff ends and where nuthin' really much matters after that begins.



Maverick McCain

He’s Maverick, Maverick
He’s Maverick John McCain
He’s a whacko so insane
He’s a flapjack short of a full half-stack
And his buddy Bush hasn’t got his back
‘Cos he runs away then attacks Barack
which causes him much pain
He’s Maverick John McCain.

He’s Maverick, Maverick
He’s Maverick John McCain
He’s a psycho so insane
His hat is white and his horse is black
And he thinks that we can win in Iraq
But he’ll get shot down and he won’t come back,
His analogies are lame
He’s Maverick John McCain.

He’s Maverick, Maverick
He’s Maverick John McCain
He’s a robber on the train
He thinks he’ll change our fiscal luck
That a Hummer’s a light duty truck
And he’ll make a buck for his corporate fucks
He’s a man with half a brain
He’s Maverick John McCain.

He’s Maverick, Maverick
He’s Maverick John McCain
He’s a hasbeen down the drain
He can change his plugs but he’ll still lack spark
He will sleep ‘til noon but before it’s dark
He’ll have every picnic basket that’s in Jellystone Park
And he’s never been to Spain
He’s Maverick John McCain.

Joseph Gallo
October 2008



And for a limited time only!
Receive this soulful reminder from one of history's minor accomplices in the criminal hijacking of American Flight 101---or as I quaintly call it: Your Country! Who knew Billy Dee Williams would look so good in lipstick & leather fringe, eh?

Bamboozled Bivouacs